Saturday, October 13, 2007
tiMe fOr sOme humOur
• The mother of a large family was explaining why she dresses her children alike, right down to the youngest baby.
"When we had just four children, I dressed them alike so we wouldn't lose any of them."
"Now," she added, looking around at her brood of nine, "I dress them alike so we won't pick up any that don't belong to us."
• Q: What's the difference between good & bad gals?
A: Good gals loosen a few buttons when it's hot, bad gals make it hot by loosening a few buttons!
• A rabbi took a job at a Duracell factory. His job is to stand on the production line and as the batteries go by, say, "I wish you long life".
• Can I go to the theatre? Asks a mosquito to her mother.
Yes but be aware, pay attention during the applause.
• Q: How do you recognize a Santa's son in School?
A: He is the one who erases the books when the teacher erases the board.
• Santa: I kiss my wife everyday before leaving for office, what about you?
Banta: Me too, after you leave.
• Sign in a pathology: It might be piss and shit for u, but for us it is bread and butter.
• Q: Why doesn't law permit a man to marry a second woman?
A: Because as per law you cannot be punished twice for the same offence!
• Heght of optimism:
Soldier: Sir, we are surrounded!
Major: Excellent! We can attack in any direction now!
• Said to a railroad engineer: What's the use of having a train schedule if the trains are always late.
Rilroad engineer: How would we know they were late, if we didn't have a schedule?
• A recent study showed that the average husband only actually speaks to his wife about thirty-seven minutes each week.
Well, yeah, I can believe that, I mean just how long does it take to say "Uh-huh" or "Yes dear" or "I'm sorry" ?
• Banta: Guess what I heard in the pub? They reckon the milkman has made love to every woman in our street except one."
Wife: I'll bet it's that stuck-up Rupa at number 14.
• Santa was caught for speeding and went before the judge.
The judge said: What will you take 30 days or Rs 3000.
Santa: I think I'll take the money.
• Q: How do you sink a submarine full of blondes?
A: Knock on the door.
•
• The judge read the charges, then asked: Are you the defendant in this case?
No, your honor," replied Banta, "I've got a lawyer to do the defendin'. I'm the person who done it.
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"When we had just four children, I dressed them alike so we wouldn't lose any of them."
"Now," she added, looking around at her brood of nine, "I dress them alike so we won't pick up any that don't belong to us."
• Q: What's the difference between good & bad gals?
A: Good gals loosen a few buttons when it's hot, bad gals make it hot by loosening a few buttons!
• A rabbi took a job at a Duracell factory. His job is to stand on the production line and as the batteries go by, say, "I wish you long life".
• Can I go to the theatre? Asks a mosquito to her mother.
Yes but be aware, pay attention during the applause.
• Q: How do you recognize a Santa's son in School?
A: He is the one who erases the books when the teacher erases the board.
• Santa: I kiss my wife everyday before leaving for office, what about you?
Banta: Me too, after you leave.
• Sign in a pathology: It might be piss and shit for u, but for us it is bread and butter.
• Q: Why doesn't law permit a man to marry a second woman?
A: Because as per law you cannot be punished twice for the same offence!
• Heght of optimism:
Soldier: Sir, we are surrounded!
Major: Excellent! We can attack in any direction now!
• Said to a railroad engineer: What's the use of having a train schedule if the trains are always late.
Rilroad engineer: How would we know they were late, if we didn't have a schedule?
• A recent study showed that the average husband only actually speaks to his wife about thirty-seven minutes each week.
Well, yeah, I can believe that, I mean just how long does it take to say "Uh-huh" or "Yes dear" or "I'm sorry" ?
• Banta: Guess what I heard in the pub? They reckon the milkman has made love to every woman in our street except one."
Wife: I'll bet it's that stuck-up Rupa at number 14.
• Santa was caught for speeding and went before the judge.
The judge said: What will you take 30 days or Rs 3000.
Santa: I think I'll take the money.
• Q: How do you sink a submarine full of blondes?
A: Knock on the door.
•
• The judge read the charges, then asked: Are you the defendant in this case?
No, your honor," replied Banta, "I've got a lawyer to do the defendin'. I'm the person who done it.
Labels: Humor
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